i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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