i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
