At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
why do cheetos always look like penises
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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