This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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