Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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