Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My life is pants optional.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize