I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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