we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
