OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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