3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
