so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
