There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
