I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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