Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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