you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
