u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
