Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
