tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
