So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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