i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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