My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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