So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
