I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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