Umm I'm too high to move.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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