Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
