she was so not down for the gang bang
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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