i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
