is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
