Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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