Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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