Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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