eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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