Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
