Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
