i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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