tell your sister to shave her snatch
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
