i may or may not be watching the land before time
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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