Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
