I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
