I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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