Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
