If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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