it hurts more in the daytime
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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