Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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