I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
