trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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