So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
