I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
