My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
