I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
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she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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