we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
