If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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