Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just gift wrapped bread.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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