Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
