Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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