he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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