party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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