dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
