so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
