do herpes really smell.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
