i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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